Glossary of Nautical Terms (#6)

LOB has exposed me to lots of interesting new verbiage:
 1. Scope - Not the mouthwash. Scope is the ratio of feet to depth when you set the anchor. (As in, “Scope it out, dude. We‘re sinking.“) So a 5:1 scope in 8 feet of water requires 40 feet of line (or is that 400?). Anyway, we looped all these little color coded plastic ties to the anchor chain so we’d know how many feet are out. But I forgot to write down the code. They keep snapping off anyway so it really doesn’t matter, dude.
 2. Fork - A $2 kitchen utensil except when utilized to prop up my porthole window. The it transforms itself into a $30 “marine apparatus”. Anyone whose ever shopped in a marine supply store knows what I’m talking about.
 3. F***ing Generator - Our beloved Northstar power station given to equal fits of anxiety and sloth. Everyday is a new beginning with our Genset. It desperately needs therapy.
 4. God*mn Water Pump - Also a problem child. When it’s not incontinent, it sucks voltage like a newborn.
 5. 4:30 - Not a ratio but the hour I keep waking up every morning. The statement “%$#!, it’s only 4:30!” is known to emanate from my forward sauna on a frequent basis.
 6. Beer - Also known as supplies. Vast quantities are stored below making us “well supplied“.
 7. Cold Beer - Lately a rare occurrence.
 8. The MF Freezer Needs Defrosting Again! - Self explanatory.
 9. Porn Videos - No comment.
10. Spinning Rod - Not an easy feat. But with practice and patience, just about anything’s possible.
11. Skyhook - What I spent twenty minutes searching for per the Captain’s request. Until he let on that it didn’t exist. Evidently another initiation ritual like the stylish dress I’m wearing. Thanks to Project Runway, I have some great accessorizing ideas. Once we hit land I plan on “scoping them out“.