Help Stamp Out Dinghy-Butt (#26)

The picture really isn't dinghy-butt. But it was too good to pass up.
A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT
I’m asking all of you who still have jobs, or even better, who are on unemployment, to contribute to a worthy cause, the eradication of “dinghy butt”. “DB” is a scurrilous phenomenon found in marinas the world over.
It’s easily recognizable. The telltale sign being a dark stain located just below the butt crack. Severe cases are known to cover both cheeks and the upper thigh region. Soaked crotches have also been reported.
I’ll be using funds left over from my failed MSPFD system, a.k.a. “The World’s Greatest Invention” (Did you known that if you sit back in a chair those little plastic floats will smash into a 1000 pieces?), but I’m a little light. With proper funding, scientists (me) have a chance of developing an effective splash guard that will create a watertight seal between the ass and dinghy. Soggy voyages to various waterfront bars will become a thing of the past.
Please send all that you can. Our beer fund (scratch that), a full research account will ensure the elimination of this debilitating and embarrassing disease.
J. Swain Worldwide DB Research Fund Hdqtrs.
Somewhere In the Caribbean
Planet Earth
Contributions over $4.00 will receive a complimentary photo of our staff hard at work engaged in important research, drinking beer or likely both.